So you've been seeing someone and it's getting to the point where you think you are ready to introduce your new boyfriend to your children. Naturally you're worried and apprehensive about this, but provided you give it some thought and approach the situation with some common sense, fingers crossed it shouldn't be too traumatic for any of you.
First of all be sure it is a serious relationship. You should seriously consider keeping casual liaisons away from your children, simply because of the confusion this will cause in a child's mind. Plus, when you're ready to introduce someone you have real feelings for, it will be harder for your children to accept and welcome them because of all the previous false dawns that you introduced them to. Therefore, if you and your boyfriend both believe that your relationship is serious, you should make sure your boyfriend is ready to meet your children and understands that meeting your children is important to you. There is no point rushing ahead if he thinks meeting your children is premature!
You should then take some time, alone, to talk to your children. You know your children, use the kind of language that you both understand and are comfortable with. Take the time to listen to their thoughts and concerns, if they raise any, and do your best to answer their questions as honestly and clearly as you can.
You want the initial meeting to be as casual as possible. Don't go for a big elaborate sit down meal at your place that just heaps pressure on all of you. Why not go for a neutral meeting place? A walk in the park is always a great place. Make the initial meeting short, don't plan on spending a whole afternoon at the park on the initial meeting, you want this to be stress free and comfortable.
Avoid public displays of affections in front of your children, you don't want to embarrass them or make them feel uncomfortable. You want them onboard and you want to take your time over this. Include everyone in the conversation and perhaps give your boyfriend a moment or two on his own with your children, but don't go off for too long.
It's also a good idea if you have your boyfriend leave you and your children, before you and the children are ready to go. It's certainly wise for your boyfriend NOT to accompany you home at this stage. You want to do everything you can to make sure that your children are eased into this new situation at a relaxed pace. Don't try and do everything on the first meeting.
Talk to your children after the initial meeting, but don't force it. If they have nothing to say, leave it. Perhaps they'll talk to you the next day or later on. Simply make sure that you are there for them and they can come and talk to you whenever they need to, just like they always have. Basically, reassure them that you are still their mother!
Fingers crossed your children will take to your new boyfriend just the way that you have and you'll all move forward together.
I'm a mother and a relationship and dating expert.
http://www.womanwithkids.com
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