We as parents/educators should have certain beliefs, including:
All children want to do the right thing.
Children prefer to have definite rules.
We do NOT want blind obedience.
Children need practice in doing the right thing.
Children imitate all the time.
Guidelines:
• Establish routines and stick to them-this gives the child a sense of security and the child knows what to expect next.
• Be consistent!!! Remember that "a rule is a rule" and do not be afraid to say "NO" to your child.
• Give as few commands as possible-then follow through. Give necessary help.
• Only ONE person should direct a child at a time.
• Warn your child ahead of time-for example, "you may finish what you are doing, then it will be time for..." or "when I call you again, it will be time for dinner"
• Do not harp on poor behavior. Disapprove of what your child is doing if need be, but do not focus on the misbehavior. Offer a positive alternative.
• Be objective-avoid phrases such as "I want you to...." Instead say, "It's time to..." or "the clock says..." Speaking in this manner will allow to child to accept more impersonal control with less argument.
• Give a choice ONLY if the child may choose. If you offer a choice, remember that you must accept the choice the child makes.
• Keep your child purposefully occupied-children need direction. For example, "you may do..., or..., or..." These could be fun suggestions or chores that are saved until time of need.
• Recognize achievement! Accept your child where he/she is. Remember your goal may not be his/her goal. Most important-Praise, Praise, Praise! Be sincere, not sugar-coated.
• Be casual-don't argue or over-reason. Give simple explanations to your child. Then remain calm and ignore further arguments on the child's part.
• Don't worry about others' opinions- set your own standards.
• Do not deceive a child-avoid promises you cannot keep. Do not threaten something you cannot follow through on. Do NOT discuss your child in front of him/her.
Remember, there are no perfect parents. Participating in parenting classes and learning parenting techniques are wonderful for support and guidance. Do not be discouraged if you are unable to remember and/or follow each technique. Everything takes time and practice.
Carol Bottstein is a school psychologist with 25 years of experience in special education. Visit Long Island Educational Corner at http://www.carolbottstein.blogspot.com for interesting and informative articles regarding parenting, mental health, education, self-improvement and other relevant topics.
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